6. Get married on a beach. Nevermind the cliche of getting married on a beach, but I just think it would be severely uncomfortable. You know what my skin color is…not white, more like albino, no..more like clear. So if I get married I have no desire to spend my wedding night covered in blue Aloe jelly till I too look like I’m in a remake of Avatar. Plus, I don’t want sand blowing up my dress or into my eyes or any other uncomfortable places. Call me old-fashioned but give me a church any day.
7. Watch any new Nicholas Cage movies. I’m not dumping on his old stuff. I mean Raising Arizona, and even both of the National Treasures. But lately it seems like Nicholas Cage is in every movie that is a lesser version of another movie. I mean I don’t watch movies based on what I think of the person in general, but come on!!! The dude bought an island and went bankrupt after having millions of dollars, and then proceeds to be in the stupidest movies ever most likely just for the paycheck. One of his movies was called Stolen, which basically seemed exactly like Taken from what I read on the back cover. You are not Liam Neeson. You will never be Liam Neeson.
8. Get a credit card. Yes I know. Everyone always says that it’s not the credit cards it’s the people with the credit cards that are the reason for their humungous bills. I will never own a credit card. I have very little will power when it comes to money and I don’t really need another strike against me with my size, procrastination, and my lack of ability to do more than three things to my hair.
9. Become an Awkward Commenter. This might seem a little weird, but what I mean are those people on Facebook who comment on a picture or a status that you wrote like a year or two ago and you totally realize they must have been looking through like every picture you have in order to find that one. I know some pictures show up on people’s walls even old ones, but I’m talking about pictures even you forgot you posted till someones like awww so sweet. Then you seriously contemplate defriending them in order to keep that picture being turned into a pillowcase and finding a letter with a lock of your hair in it. One of the main reasons I keep my FB commenting to people I know very well.
10. Enter an online contest. Technically, this is something I’ve done. Twice. Both times I wish I hadn’t have done it. First of all you give away personal information. Secondly you always think your gonna win. It’s like something inside of you saying its so impossible to win that you must actually have a good chance. WHAT IS THAT?!?! Is there any logic to that? NO!!!!! You are going to lose. Get over it. It’s like that McDonalds Monopoly board. Give up! You are never going to find Park Place or that other Railroad. Then after you lose you’re like depressed for a week, then angry which is ridiculous because you knew the chances of you actually winning were slim to none. By the time it’s done you have become this irrational person growling at your computer screen and punching the table. I will never do this again.
